It's time to think about options.......

I have been making ways to other people all my life. Maybe is time for me to be selfish and think for myself.

Appreciated friends that given me their sincere advise which I think are politically right in a way.

I think age is catching up. I became more cautious than before in many things I do.
I hate feeling in secure. I always plan on the things i do or the path I am heading to and will make sure I have a back up plan if I fail. That's me - Kiasu Piggy!

Maybe I should be walk out of my comfort zone and be more adventurous.......what you think?

August 11, 2009

I was awarded 10 years service + $$ this afternoon but I am not happy at all.
Looking at the faces around me in the conference room, I am speechless.
I dump the red envelope on my desk after the "celebration" and con't working. I only open it closed to end of my shift. Looking at the certificate remind me of Ferin. I remembered she was very excited when she got her award and was counting the $$ infront of everyone. I open up my envelope as well, took out the money and start counting 1,2,3,4.....10! Suddenly I was happy for that 5 mins. Not because of the money but because of the old good memories.

I really miss the old days....
I didn't make any speech this afternoon but i would like to say something here:-
I wanted to thanks my managers:-
Steve & Trinia - Thanks for the opportunity to have me joined your team although I am not that "qualified". The 1st 2 years in bowne was very challenging. Your support and encouragement make me have more confident in doing my job.
Gary Judd - You have lead and show me a very good example of being a good superior. I have learnt alot from you. You are always positive and patient. I had a very great time working with you . The happiest time i am with bowne was from the time i joined till you left us and went back to London.
Lerma - You are always very supportive and let me have the freedom to do what i want on the job (ofcourse within the limits la, hahah). You continue to build up my confident and have trust in the decision i make for jobs. Thanks for your faith in me and sometime I find this a little pressurize coz I find I cannot fail you......
Trinia - My ACSM and later a work buddy. Although i always "bully" you after you re-joined the BSI CS team but I know you know i care alot of you inside my heart. I am someone that also dunno how to express my love and concern specially to the peoples I really treasured.

Next I wanted to thanks CP - although you always your mood swing but you taught me alot as well.
Janet - Thanks for being such a good friends for so many years. Cant believe you are 10 yrs older than me!!!!Hahhaha.
Damian - Seeing you always reminded me when I 1st join Bowne. Thanks for being such a good "sister" too. hahahha!

Last, thanks to many other people in Bowne (although your name was not mentioned above doesn't mean you are not important).

Without all of you, there will be no Florence Phua in Bowne today!

Thank you once again to all my friends in Bowne.

Wedding Dinner

Attended Jimmy niece's wedding this evening.
She thanks her dad for his providing these years and thanks her mum for loving her so much.
She is the eldest and the only grand daughter in the Quek family. I always tot she is quite a spoil child (by the way, her parent was divorced). Spoil in a way that she take her parent's unconditional love for granted.

But this evening, I was touch by her speech. After being a mother for almost 3 years, i can feel how her parent felt this evening. Seeing their only daughter from a girl to a wife and later becoming a mum. I saw tears in her parent's eyes. Tears that is not sad but happy. Happy not becoz of their love is being acknowledged but becoz she said to her parent : I LOVE YOU!

What a beautiful words~simple but sometime it's hard to say it out.
I always wanted to tell mu dad and mum how much i love them but never once i have the courage to do so.
I wanted to do it on my wedding day but i had Damian to do on my behalf. What a useless me!
This will be one of my regret forever for not being brave enough that time to tell my parent infront of my relatives and friends, how much I love and miss and always wanted to be with them. There are too much things I wanted to thank them for making what I am today (although not perfect but can do la).

I am still trying to build my courage to tell my parent how much I love them. I already miss once and do not want to miss twice. Praying Lord to give me the courage and the right timing to do so. Please hold my tears when I am doing this so I can be clear with my speech and they can hear every single words out from me.

Dad~ I Love you.
Mum~ I love you.
Iggy~ Mummy love you.
My dear husband~ I love you!
Last but not least, to all my cousins, aunties, uncles and friends ~ I love you all...............

Daydreaming......

It was pouring outside and I am day dreaming....

I am sitting at the balcony overseeing the sea view. Having tea with my family, watching the little ones playing in the garden, chasing my 3 little 4 legged daughters. All having good time.

Dad and mum cant stop smiling looking at their grandchildrens. Jimmy & Choon join in the play with the kids. YM and me planning for our next family vocation....

What a beautiful scene!

If you ask me to choose my precious moment, this will be the one.
I love being with all my love one. I enjoy seeing them together having funs. I enjoy seeing the smiling face put on my parent. All this make me feel complete and calm. All this make my heart smile and my face shine. All this my motivation to live and be strong.

I want Iggy (my nieces too) to learn the important and value of family time.
He will be on the right track if he has this value in mind.

So much so that I want him to be independant but I found a few of my friends who was sent to study overseas seems to loose this value in mind. They show more respect, concern and willing to spent more time with friends than their family members. For married couples, they only care about family time with their partners and their kids, not with their parents or siblings.

Most of my friends of the same age or older will have this value in mind. They will visit their parents with their kids over the weekend. Met them up for lunch or dinner etc. This group of people tends to looks happier and "rich" in living.

So, I must start teaching my son what my parent used to teach me when I am young but of course must modify a bit to suit the new generation kids la!

Piggy & Piglet

Piggy gave birth to piglet at the age of 38.
Piglet will soon turn 3 and Piggy will then 41.
Piglet is very active. Piggy find it's hard to catch up with him.
Piggy started to worry how long can she be there for Piglet. She wanted to see piglet graduate and get a good job. She wanted to witness piglet get married & be able to see the birth of her grandchildren.

Piggy started to pray...
She pray God to let her have enough time to accomplish her misson before calling her home.
She pray to leave peacefully, best is in her dream.
She worry Mr Piggy will be lonely after she left. She is afraid she is not that strong as she thought to let Mr Piggy go before her. She ask God for mercy.. to let Mr Piggy and her go home together.....

Piggy had a dream after the prayers.
She dreamt of an angle telling her the cycle of life.
She finally understand the message God send to her:
Dont worry about tomorow. Live everyday to the fullest.
Dont take thing for granted. Appreciate the people and things around you.
Express and tell the people you concern that you love them.
What ever will come, will come.
It's only a short while I will let you be in this planet.
You may face some ups and downs in life but these are the test from me to make you stronger.
Do whatever that will make you happy and feel great.

You must have faith in me. I am with you everywhere, everyday and every second.

Do not leave any regrets before coming home.

When you finally united with me, I would want to share your happy memories from that planet.

My 10 yrs in B

It will be my 10 yrs in this Company come August 1st.
Time flies! I never thought I can work here for sooooooooooooooo long.
Maybe I really like the job? Maybe I am not good at job hopping? Or maybe ......

The truth is this job did bring satisfaction to me. Work enviroment & peoples were great.
Yes, you read it correctly. Were, not are coz things totally changed after SARS.
Good team players left and new faces in. Management from good to $#%$%&^*.

And so why are you still here? Dont you consider yourself lucky that you are not affected after few rounds of RIF?
I am still here becoz I am too comfortable in this comfort zone. I am not sure if I have the courage for another change unless it is necessary. Yes, I am blessed that I am still here after few rounds of RIF. But there is something that I used to enjoy and look forward going to work is missing!

Just got a news that one of my team member quit. Which mean our manpower is lean agian. I am not sure if I can go back to the same working speed that I used to work before being a mother. I am not sure how long more can I hang there. My internal spare parts is rusting, just like a car, best to scrap after 10 years.

I need some changes.... I need to put my thinking into action. I need.......................
Well, let's see how it goes after August 1st.....

Friends

I wonder how people define a friend. I have friends who has many many friends, all over the world. If you happen to log into their FB, you can easily see hundred of friends in their friend list.

What does a friend means?

To me a friend means I can share my joys and worries. Can listen to me when i need them and be my side when i need comfort. Can tolerate my nonsense and yell back to STOP me from getting worse. Will correct me on the spot without worring if I am offended.

I am not a person that can gel easily to new friends. I tend to "hide" myself when i am in a big group of people that I am not familiar.
I will only be "alive" when I am with people that I known for years. That's why most of my friends are friends that known me for more than 10 years.

I have friends that we dont call each other often. Maybe only once a year.
We called when we "realised" it has been a while we didn't hear from each other.
May it be just a 1 mins call just to say Hi, that's more than enough. We all know we will be there for each other when needed. Our freindship will not be fated even we dont call often.

I have friends that I used to call almost everyday. Regardless if I am at work or on holidays. They are just like part of my daily rountine. Sometime I think they get "enough" of me and started yelling me to STOP calling. But I still enjoy being scolded and happily continue calling just to make sure everyone is doing well and I did not miss anything thats happending with or around them.

I do not have hundreds of friend like others. I only have these friends that i can count with all my fingers and toes.
I am not ambitious and consider myself quite contended. I do not think I need to open up my circle to sell myself for better prospect/$$ or what so ever. I have enough and happy with what I have.

I will be there when they need me. I will walk with them thru their ups and downs. We will walk side by side and never be alone. That's what friend are for.